


Song to Say Goodbye

by Aeruthin



Series: s3x19+ AU [1]
Category: The Originals (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Cami Lives AU, Cami and Hayley raise Hope together, Gen, Introspection, Therapy, Werewolves, while also trying to save the Mikaelsons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:54:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26048341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeruthin/pseuds/Aeruthin
Summary: Set in between s3 and s4.When Mary expects six-year-old Hope to participate in a ritual to mourn Jackson's death, Hayley is forced to consider her feelings about her late husband and the wolf pack she left behind, as well as decide if her efforts to save the Mikaelsons are truly worth it.
Relationships: Camille O'Connell & Hayley Marshall, Hayley Marshall/Elijah Mikaelson (implied), Jackson Kenner/Hayley Marshall (past), Klaus Mikaelson/Camille O'Connell (implied)
Series: s3x19+ AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1890898
Comments: 6
Kudos: 22





	Song to Say Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place in my TO AU as outlined [here](https://aeruthien.tumblr.com/post/188166774147/ok-you-mentioned-earlier-you-were-working-on).
> 
> Most important thing to know is that Cami is still alive, and it was Lucien, not Marcel, who bit Kol and Elijah. Neither things are truly plot relevant though!

The house is dark as they enter, and Hayley tiptoes to the kitchen, past the living room and dining room. She flicks on the light, which casts an artificial glow on the counter and floor.

"They must be asleep," Cami whispers behind her. She places the bags on one of the chairs. 

Hayley nods and silently makes her way to Hope's bedroom. The door opens with a creak. Hope is deeply asleep in the little bed, and for a moment, Hayley considers leaving her be. But she had promised to wake her when she returned, no matter the hour, so she sits down on the edge and places her hand on Hope's head, gently stroking her hair.

"Hope?" she whispers. Her daughter stirs and two sleepy eyes blink open.

"Mom?" the child murmurs, and Hayley smiles fondly. 

"Hey babe. I'm back."

Hope struggles upright, and Hayley hugs her close. 

"I'll see you in the morning, ok?" she says, pulling back. Hope nods, her eyelids already drooping. Hayley presses a kiss against her forehead and tugs the blankets around her. 

She stands and starts to leave, but a soft, "Mom?", stops her. Hope presses a kiss against her index and middle finger. Hayley does the same, and places her own fingers against Hope's. 

"Good night, sweetheart," she whispers, as Hope drifts off with a smile on her face.

Once in the kitchen, she crashes down in one of the chairs. The joy she felt at seeing Hope again flits away, and she rests her head in her hands. Another dead end. Another fortnight wasted. 

Cami has put on the water boiler and pours them both a cup of tea. Hayley blows into hers, inhaling the steam. Cami isn't much better off. She is staring blankly at the opposite wall.

Weeks such as the last two are rough. The information had been promising, but after a week of travelling and sleeping in dirty motels, being send from one bar to the next, never gaining any new information from anyone, the person they had been looking for turned out to have died three years earlier. Their next of kin were nowhere to be found. They are going at a snail's pace, one step forward in one direction meaning two steps back in the other. 

She drains her tea, and stands. At least it is good to be back home.

"I'm going to bed," she says to Cami. Cami jerks up, probably half asleep already .

"Yes," she mumbles. She flashes a tired smile. "Me too."

After spending the past nights locked up in various motel rooms together, it is weird saying goodnight and retiring to her own bedroom. When she settles into the cold bed, for a moment, Hayley considers following Cami and jumping in with her instead. But then her head hits the pillow and she drifts away.  


* * *

  
The next morning when Hayley enters the kitchen, Hope and Mary are already making breakfast. Mary is busying about with eggs and milk, while Hope waits patiently at the kitchen table. When she spots Hayley, she jumps down from the chair in a way that makes Hayley's heart skip a beat, and rushes towards her. 

Hayley laughs and lifts her easily.

"Good morning!" 

She spins around, making Hope giggle and scream. Mary observes them carefully. 

"Good to see you back," she says, as Hayley puts Hope back on her chair. Hayley tries to ignore the undertone of disapproval. 

"Has everything been alright?" she asks. She takes up some of the milk and pours in some cereal for Hope to eat. 

"Fine, like always. Hope behaved brilliantly."

"We went to see the animals!" Hope exclaims. "We saw a zebra and a tiger and a lion and a tiger!"

"That's a lot of tigers," Hayley says. "Careful with that." Hope has started to attack the cereal with fervour.

"But the nicest were the wolves, weren't they, sweetheart?" Mary says. Hope nods enthusiastically, her mouth full.

"Look!" she jumps down from the chair again and races out of the kitchen. Hayley frowns, but lets it happen, taking a bite of her own breakfast.

Hope returns carrying a stuffed animal in the shape of a wolf, about the size of her own torso. 

"Her name is Balto."

Hope had taken a liking to the movie of the same name, which featured a main character who was half sled dog - half wolf. His wolf heritage helped him save the day, once he learned to accept that part of him.

"She's beautiful," Hayley praises. "Did Grandma Mary give her to you?"

Hope nods proudly. "She's best friends with Bunny," she says. Bunny was the stuffed bunny which Elijah got her when she was born. The two hardly left each other side. None of the other toys had ever come close to Bunny.

"Best friends?" Hayley exclaims. "That's great." 

Cami joined them slightly later, and has breakfast after receiving a hug and an introduction from Hope as well. ("Look Aunt Cami, this is Balto!")

When Hope is done eating, she rushes outside, taking Bunny and Balto with her, no doubt preparing for a grant adventure. As long as she stays in the garden, they can keep an eye on her from within the house.

Hayley and Cami fill in Mary about their failure. Mary stares outside the window, her face drawn. Despite her misgivings about the whole ordeal, she is as frustrated by the results as they are.

"There is nothing left to do except keep trying," Hayley says, shaking her head. 

"And leave your daughter once again," Mary says. 

Hayley sighs. 

"I don't like it any more than you do," she says, repeating herself for the hundredth time. "But Hope deserves her family."

Mary looks back at her. 

"What about her other family? Surely you haven't forgotten about the anniversary of my grandson's death."

Hayley freezes, guilt stirring in her stomach. To be honest, she had totally forgotten. Not that he died of course, she would never forget that. But she hadn't paid attention to the date. All days seemed to run together. 

"And we'll be here for it," Hayley says quickly. "We need a break any way." She sits back.

"Amen to that," Cami says. She places her hand over Hayley's and squeezes. 

  


* * *

  


Later, Hayley makes her way to the attic. The coffins are exactly the way she has left them. She hadn't expected any different, and yet is it reassuring. They found this particular house about a year ago, and have used it as a base of operation ever since. 

Being always on the move had been difficult for Hope, especially once she got old enough to become aware of her surroundings. Hayley has been considering sending her to a school in the neighbourhood. Although Mary would probably prefer to teach her at home, Hope would have some friends of her own age to play with, have some resemblance of a normal childhood. All enemies of the Mikaelsons are focussed on Klaus in New Orleans, and the house is protected by a cloaking and boundary spell, alerting them to anyone who tries to enter, so it should be safe.

Hayley pushes the first coffin open, revealing Elijah, his eyes closed and his face ash grey. The nauseating smell of illness drifts up from his arm. The wound was still there, subdued but not healed. Hayley presses a kiss against her fingers before placing them on his cold lips. 

"I'm back," she whispers. She has to blink away tears, and she swallows, exhaustion and weariness washing over her.

The stairs leading up to the attic creak, and Hayley grabs the coffin's lid, primed to close it, hastily wiping the tears away. But it's Cami's blond head which appears, and she relaxes. Cami walks over and places her hand on Hayley's back.

"I thought I would find you here," Cami says. Her smile, though genuine, seems fragile, and the bags under her eyes mirror Hayley's own.

Hayley leans into her and together they take a moment to look down on Elijah's immobile form. Her thoughts drift to Klaus, locked away in New Orleans, probably suffering horribly. Another one they had failed this week.

"It's not our fault," Cami whispers, no doubt having similar thoughts. She doesn't quite sound convinced.

  


* * *

  


Hayley spends the next day with Hope, letting her tell stories about the adventures of Bunny and Balto. Cami joins them in the afternoon as they get out the finger paint. Hayley draws a little heart on both Cami's and Hope's cheeks, and Cami does one on hers, and they all wear it to dinner.

That evening, when Hope is put to bed, Hayley sits down at the kitchen table and pulls out her notes. Cami is out for groceries, but will join her later. They need to update their notes with the information they gained along the way. The sheets and her laptop spread out before her into an increasing mess.

After an hour, the piles of notes have finally regained some sense of order. Her next priority is identifying another way to find a member of the fifth werewolf pack. She crosses out the name of their now confirmed dead lead, as well as the names of his family and friends they had managed to dig up. She could contact Marcel, have him question Lucien on how he found the fifth pack, but that would endanger his position in New Orleans, and through him, Klaus', so she would use that as a last resort. 

Hayley's train of thought is interrupted by the scraping of the chair on the tiled floor when Mary pulls it backwards. 

"I have located a lake where we can do the ritual," Mary says without preamble. She sits down on the chair. "If we leave around four, we can put the little girl to bed well in time."

For a moment, the information refuses to click, her mind still half way to New Orleans. Hayley shakes her head and trails a hand through her hair. "Yeah," she says, "that sounds great. Thanks." Cami could watch Hope like last time, if she was willing to sit through another run of Balto or the Lion King. 

"Do you still remember the words?" Mary asks. 

"Yes, I know the words," Hayley assures. She smiles. The ritual is relatively straight forward. Their words would be carried to the land of the dead by burning a casket which they would send out on the lake, much like the funeral boat.

Mary stands. "I'll go over them with Hope tomorrow. I'm sure she'll do splendidly."

Hayley frowns, but before she can respond, Mary continues.

"I do not have to tell you how important rituals are to our community," she says. 

"I know. I'm just not..."

"Good. I'll leave you to your work," Mary says, and walks away. Hayley sighs and presses a hand to her forehead, gently massaging her temples. She truly is grateful for everything Mary has done for her, and for Hope. She wouldn't know how she could take care of Hope and find a cure at the same time if Mary hadn't been there to look after her. It did not make communicating with her grandma-in-law any easier, though. 

Hayley's eye catches on a book on the table which Mary must have left. Its cover is dirty and worn, but Hayley would recognize it anywhere. Not very subtle, as far as silent reprimands go. Hayley rolls her eyes, but can't stop herself from opening it on the last page.

Softly, she traces the curves of Jackson's name, written down by herself four years ago. The name given to her at her birth, Andrea Labonair, graces the line above it. The girl who she would have been, if the fates hadn't decided otherwise. 

When she had married Jackson, a small, unconscious part of her had expected to turn into that girl. As if the orphan Hayley Marshall would finally disappear, and Andrea Labonair, the girl with a family, would take her place. But instead of gaining brothers and sisters, she had gained an army. Instead of being one of them, she had become their queen. The mystical warrior princess, returned to restore the pack to its former glory. 

While she had cared for them, she had never really gotten to know them. The only true family she had found among the wolves had been Jack, and Mary in extension. 

For that time, it had been enough. He had showed her what it was like to be loved without complications, without fighting, without tragedy. He had provided a safe haven in all the chaos that surrounded her ever since she had arrived in New Orleans. 

And now, Jack was dead, killed by that very chaos, and Hayley had nearly forgotten him. 

Tears well up in her eyes, blurring the long list of names. She rests her head in her hands and takes a shaking breath. She doesn't notice Cami before her hand presses against her shoulder.

"Wanna talk about it?" she asks softly, gently moving her hand in circles.

Hayley swallows and shrugs. Cami sits down next to her. 

"It's just..." Hayley gestures to the pile of notes with the crossed out names, and the book lying in front of her. "I nearly forgot him," she confesses quietly.

"Grieving is different for anyone," Cami says. She lowers her eyes. "Sometimes, you can go days without thinking about them. Other days...", she shakes her head," it hits hard. "

She squeezes Hayley's hand and gives a gentle smile, looking her in the eye. "But you are allowed to move on."

Hayley shakes her head, fresh tears falling down. Her limbs are heavy, and her throat is tight. She feels like she is failing him, failing Jackson all over again. That she should have fought as hard for him as she is fighting for the Mikaelsons now, that no matter how much she grieved, it would never do him justice.

"How can I?" she whispers. "He was so kind, and good, and wonderful, and perfect, and..." 

Her breath catches. 

"God, sometimes I wish I could hate him."

It is a cruel thing to say, and she immediately wants to take it back, shove the thought deep down into the most traitorous parts of her mind where it belongs, locked away forever.

"Hey! Don't do this to yourself," Cami says sharply. "You've honoured him when he was alive and you've honoured him every day since. And don't let anyone else, and I mean anyone else, dictate how much you still feel for him, or how you grieve him."

Hayley stares at her, taking in her earnest blue eyes. She wants to believe her, but her heart isn't so easily convinced.

Cami's eyes narrow.

"Ok, talk therapy over," she says abruptly. "Stop this - " she closes the book and gathers the remaining papers " - and do something else. Anything else."

Hayley shakes her head and opens her mouth to protest. There was still so much to do. 

"I mean it," Cami interrupts. "Sometimes it's better not to think. Just to do, to be. Go outside, take a walk."

An activity enters Hayley's mind, something which she hasn't allowed herself, or hadn't had time to do, in quite a while. 

She sighs and nods, relenting. "Yes Mom," she jests, then rolls her eyes at Cami's proud smile. 

"Good. I'll leave out some wine." 

Outside, the air is cold but clean, and she welcomes the sting of the wind on her cheeks. The house is located on the outskirts of the village, and the wilderness stretches out in front of her. Before she can reconsider, she stalks towards the tree line. Once under the cover of the trees, she pulls of her shirt, and the rest of her clothes until she is naked. 

Taking in a deep breath, she lets the power of the wolf rise within her. Her body starts to change, reacting to the magic sealed within her bones, tamed by the power of the hybrid. The pain is sharp, but is soon over, and her perception of the world shifts. 

She takes off, not following a particular path. Within minutes, she has left the village behind. The wind ruffles through her fur as she increases her pace. Faster and faster she runs, until her paws barely hit the ground. She continues on, before suddenly coming to a stop. 

For a moment, the only sound she can hear is her panting, hard and fast, but as she catches her breath, the world comes alive around her. Animals scurrying back and forth in search for food, the wind rustling the leaves, water dripping down a small underground stream. 

The heavy weight still sits on her chest, and she throws her head back and howls. The sound carries over the hills and fields, echoing back to her. They had sung together, her pack, she and Jackson, when they had been trapped in her wolf form. Sung to the moon and the stars.

But there was no one to sing with now. A deep sorrowful whine starts in her chest, and she lets it grow, infusing it with all the love and pain she felt for her pack and for her husband. How grateful she is, for all they have done for her and her child, for the pain she feels at their loss. It is an ode and a lament, for what was and what could have been. 

But not for what it is. Not any more.

With the final notes, she tells them goodbye.

The valley is silent after she stops. Even the other animals seem to have paused, in respect for her song. Soon after, though, the scurrying and dripping and chirping continues, and Hayley knows that life will go on. 

Always and Forever.  


* * *

  
Cami is sitting on the porch when she returns, two glasses of wine next to her.

"You're alright?" she asks. 

Hayley sinks down next to her and grabs a glass. "I will be," she says. "Thank you."

Cami smiles. "Any time."

They toast and sit in the silence of the night for a long while.  


* * *

  
The next day, Hayley finds Mary in the garden. 

"I need to talk to you," she says. "About the ritual."

Mary glances at her. "Go on then."

Hayley takes a deep breath, her hands clasped in front of her. "I don't want Hope to be involved."

Mary frowns. "Hayley, all children of the pack take part in these rituals. It's how they learn."

Hayley looks down.

"Hope was never part of the pack," Hayley says quietly. "Not like that."

Mary's eyes narrow, and she raises her voice. "You can say that, after all that they've done for her?"

"I know what they did for her," Hayley answers sharply. "And I will tell her about the pack that took in an orphaned girl, and I'll tell her about the generosity of the wolves. Not only in the Bayou but everywhere. I'll tell her that she'll always have a place among them, like her mother before her."

Hayley takes a deep breath.

"But I will not force her to mourn someone she has never known."

"My grandson loved that little girl like his own," Mary says forcefully. 

"And I loved him," Hayley returns, anger stirring in her as well. "But he is dead. I will grieve him, and I will tell her about him, but I will do so in my own way."

Mary sighs, her body deflating. She places a hand on Hayley's arm. "My dear, your side of the family is as important as the Mikaelsons. Will you deny Hope that connection? Deny it to yourself?"

Hayley doesn't know which one is worse, Mary's anger or her pity. 

She lowers her eyes. "The pack was never my family, Mary," she confesses softly. "Jackson was, because I married him. But not the pack."

It hurts, in a way, to admit it out loud. She had come to New Orleans to look for her family, and for a while, she had thought she had found it in the wolves. They had been her people, and she had fought for them and with them in more ways than one. They had taken her in, and she had cared for them, but her stay with them had always felt temporary, even when she was ready to run when Dahlia threatened to take her daughter. 

A true connection had never emerged. She would never be bound to the wolves unconditionally. She had learned that when she returned to the compound. 

"The Mikaelsons are my family."

Becoming part of the Mikaelsons had gone so gradually, and she had been so focussed on the wolves, that she hadn't realised it until much later. She had named them family, had used the title when it suited her, but had not fully realised how true it was, what it meant. Jackson had understood it before she had. He had called them is his family in-law, and had insisted that she spend her Christmas with them. Not because Klaus is Hope's father, but because Hayley is part of the Mikaelsons as well.

Rebekah became her sister, a soft smile, a glass of wine and shared glances filled with mischief. "We girls have to stick together," she had said, and Hayley had believed her. 

Klaus had been many things, a friend, a confidant, and an enemy. But it had been him who assured her after Jackson's death that she would always have a home with them. And she would never forget Klaus putting away his pride, and kneeling down in front of Lucien in order to save her life. 

Freya too had been a shoulder to lean on, someone who took care of Hope when Hayley herself could not. While she did not know the eldest Mikaelson sister that well, she could always count on her willingness to protect her and the others. 

And Elijah. He had been the first to take her in, the first to fight for her, and whatever way their relationship had shifted, his care for her had never wavered. He had named her family only a few days after she had married Jackson, and had always wished the best for her.

Mary stares at her, barely hiding her pity and disgust. 

"I'm sorry, Mary," Hayley says.

"No. You're not." Mary shakes her head. "You saved us from the curse. And I had hoped to be able to save you, too. They have a hold over you, child."

Hayley looks away.

"I never asked you to save me."

"Then you better pray that they are worth it."

Mary pats her arm and walks away. Hayley stares after her, a pit in her stomach. She has disappointed Mary. But she has to heed her own advice. She can't keep living in the past. 

She will save Klaus, and Elijah, and the rest of the Mikaelsons. For her daughter, and for herself.


End file.
